Today, I had an argument with my husband on his way out of the door to work. Which is the worst kind of argument, for me because I can’t follow him around finishing the argument off, and for him, because I reckon women can handle a myriad of emotions in a single blink, whereas men can’t. It’s not a put-down, I think it’s just fact. My hubby may well agree.
So, we argued, he left, I mulled over it, he mulled over it, and a perfectly productive day was wasted. Later in the afternoon we finally got to chat to each other on skype, just touching base, and continued to argue. Which led me to this post.
Here are some handy tips to make arguing not so ugly..
1. Stick to Skype arguments
We often argue on Skype, and I realised perhaps others out there don’t know the beauty of arguing on skype! Really, it is beautiful. I can rant and pull my hair out, sigh and roll my eyes, smirk and be sarcastic even, if it gets that ugly, and all he sees is my text. Beautiful! Being a woman who can process a thousand emotions and trains of thought per minute, I can type thirty lines of opinion and emotion in a flash, and he can reply without being interrupted. That should sell arguing on skype to all men, instantly. NO INTERRUPTION, that is unheard of in arguing, right? Skype truly is a marriage saver for us sometimes.
2. Argue in public
It is really awkward and socially inappropriate to rip each other’s heads off in Seattle. So we don’t. We are forced to speak under our breaths, usually (I can grin at how funny this is on hindsight) our ‘conflict management sessions’ peak in intensity, where we whisper really emotionally, and then both stop and breathe. We do this on repeat until we a) fix the problem and kiss and make up, or b) run out of coffee money. At least you get to go home with closure and happiness 🙂
3. Argue in the garden, not in bed
Worst case, the neighbours get a low down on your current argument about the budget or how mad hubby gets about the maid, or how totally illogically I argue. Nontheless, we argue, get it over with, and go to bed happy. Nothing worse than arguing in bed and sulking to sleep, which isn’t really recommended anyhow – Ephesians 4.26 reckons “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” which is something my husband’s grandparents told him once, and is totally true. Which leads me to another point..
4. Don’t argue while angry
Probably the most important of all points. If you learn to wait it out a bit until you have your emotions under control, chances are you’ll be able to argue it out civilly, without feeling your blood pressure’s about to explode.
5. Keep it decent
Name calling, even swearing if it gets to that, may seem easier when arguing and feeling attacked, but those words last long after the argument’s over. Keep that in mind, and literally make a set line together that you both will not cross, no matter how bad the argument gets. This helps a lot, trust me! And remember, the ‘D’ word should be a no-go zone, divorce is never, ever an option, or spoken of in our household. 😉
6. Timing is everything
Pick your timing. I know arguments usually feel URGENT, but if I’m about to go to the dentist and am nipping straws, I don’t want to argue about why I said that rude comment the other day, and hubby doesn’t want to argue just before he leaves for work, or just before we are about to sleep. Refer back to point 1 about arguing on Skype.. sometime in the day is probably best 🙂
7. Bear in mind the treasure your marriage is, ultimately
We all say things we regret in arguments. Try, in the heat of the moment, to either walk away and revisit later, or to just zip it, swallow your emotions and pride, and for the sake of your marriage, just make peace NOW. Sometimes it’s hard to just give up all the little points you feel you HAVE to make heard, and just say, “honey, this is silly, and not worth our energy, I’m sorry I ..XYZ.. , I love you, please can we let it go?” but it is well worth learning how to do. Your marriage is a long term awesome precious thing, and working on keeping it scar free is really great to learn and practice.
So the next time you feel mad as hell, and open your mouth to retaliate or argue with your spouse, ask yourself if it’s worth it, if it’s put off-able til later, if it can be done over skype, or if it can be avoided altogether.
Speaking of all this, it’s time for me to go and find my hubby and apologize for a crazy day, and then kiss and make up. 😀
Happy marriage building! x
Above The Daily Grind 